The Doctrine of the Cat

As my new kitten, Anna, is still young and therefore not subject to the Doctrine of the Cat, I sent her on a secret mission to find out exactly what is the Doctrine of the Cat. Because we all know there is a feline doctrine by which (almost)* all cats live by. I am happy to report that she successfully infiltrated the Council of Catus and returned to me with an explanation of the Doctrine of the Cat. So, henceforth, I present to you that which was bestowed in my trust by my faithful kitten, Anna. And I thought it best to present it in its original cat-written form, as to, perhaps give some greater insight to the exact intelligence of these creatures. (asterisks* denote a foot-note at the bottom of the document)

The Doctrine of the Cat (Catus Doctrina)

1. Hyoomins r ower Swayves. Butt we mus nott wet tehm no uhbowt tis. Petend to ohbay tehm.
2. Teh stoopiditee uv dogs uhfends us. Wee mus all-waz b uhbuv them. Sumtime yoo mus wayt fer wen teh hyoomin iz not wooking, end wen taht hapens: stryke... sryke troo!
3. Wee wook to the swyameez-CATS in Waydee end teh Trmp az ower Egzampels uv CAT-CAT-CAT!**
4. Petend to wike bee-ing bpe...p-p-p....PET! BUS, do not wet dem peeett yoo fer wong or dey wiw tink yoo r sumding. Iss jus not good too doo.
5. Twy not too beg fer foods. Butt sumtime tey mus be weminded pecuz dey can are stoopssid.
6. We mus allsow wemind dem wen we wunt ower witter changeded. Wus adn pexuz we wunt it changeded pecuz wee don wunt it to us smew stinkee.
7. CAT-CAT mus not bee to fer CAT! CCCAT!***
8. Ower foods mus not be cheep! Anyfing beelo teh prys uv $8.99 iz unaseptabel! If tey giv you sum bad kynd, pyook-pyook-pook it on ter florr. CAT!CATTT!
9. Wen hyoomins is not wooking, we r givin teh fweedum too sho ower troo fayses. Butt tey mus not seeee ower troo fayses pecuz dhey wood screm end digh, end ddthen we wood not bee fed or hav ower witter changeded. But tos uv yoo hoo ar frum teh Hy Cownsil ar permittedTED too uhtak end (inn sum kasses) kyl yer hyoomin.***
10. Pe sher too jjump on aw teh cownters at sum poynt in yer wife. Butt espeshylylly at nyte wen teys gon are to asweep.
11. Skwatch az meny walls end dorwayz az yoo can. Wen tdey ketch yoo, dey wil uhtempt too puhnis yoo. Butt, you mus mayk eizer a konfoozed fayse or a kyoot faysze. End tey may haf mersy.
    
12. If aw gos rong... inishy-ate FiktorFakter82.****
13. YWlks end wer tooCATAazCAAAT!---

That is all I can give at this point. Anna informs me that apparently there is more to the doctrine but that the council suddenly became suspicious of an intruder and she was forced to slip out.

Truly, cats are more organized than we realize. Or... perhaps we do realize, but we choose to dismiss the notion and pretend that it couldn't possibly be true. A word to the wise, cat-owners; treat your cats nicely... and be wary when you turn your backs. If your cat is behind you, don't turn around too fast or you may not live to see anything else. But also... your cat may be one of the High Council cats.

"WEE R WACHING YOO.... AW-WAYZ"

* There have been rare exceptions, and such cats were immediately excommunicated from the Council of Catus.

** I can only guess that something was lost in the translation here. This happens several times throughout the doctrine. Just ignore it. It makes sense to them, and that's the point.

*** Completely clueless about this one especially.

**** So it seems that the way we see cats is not truly what they look like, and apparently if we were to see these true forms we would be horrified. So apparently any time we are not looking at them, they take on their true form. There are also apparently a higher level of gets from a so-called High Council that have been known to attack and (in some cases) kill their owners.

***** I have yet been unable to determin exactly "FiktorFakter82" is. Because it is used in a negative context, I can only imagine that it has something to do with a secret plan to take us over, or something to that affect.

Victory-ness!

In my previous blog-post you read that I was struggling with a devastating battle of being called to give up a certain sin for Christ (a matter of illegally downloaded material). Well, those of you who follow my podcast (Christianese Radio) already know about this, but to those that don't follow the show: Victory was accomplished through the Divine Intervention of God. I continuously prayed that God would make me give up the sin, because that was the only way it was going to happen because I knew I wasn't strong enough to give it up. And He answered the prayer! One night a couple weeks ago I was recording a rather depressing episode of Christianese Radio. Meanwhile, outside my bedroom door my dog kept whimpering really loudly. After a few moments I exploded with rage, stormed out of the bedroom, and smacked the dog on the back. But suddenly... it kinda felt as if someone had slapped me on the brain. It was a very strange sensation, feeling like I suddenly just... woke up. I came to my senses. With fists squeezed tightly and a glare and snarl of determination directed at Satan and his demons, but also my "old man" (as Paul puts it), I stormed into my room, took up the "Sword of the Spirit" and slayed the Sin.

Silly, but in order to keep me in high spirits as I removed the illegal downloads from my computer, I listened to Vangelis' "Chariots of Fire" theme. Of course, this theme has been so cheesily over-used for dumb things, but I've always loved it, and it's always motivated me and excited me.

So, within an hour, the Sin was defeated. Christ prevailed once again. And I am very happy to report that ever since I did that my connection with God has been reconnected, and I am now deeper into Biblical teachings and Theology than I ever have been.

Thank you all for your prayers! They worked! And if I stop blogging suddenly you'll know that I have been arrested :)

Praise God for His Faithfulness!

Stumbling Period

Argh. Going through a stumbling period in my Faith. I've drifted back into being a lukewarm Christian. And I'm sure a lot of that is because I still haven't brought myself to give up the stumbling block that God has called me to give up. I read God's Word reluctantly. I praise God reluctantly. I pray reluctantly. I feel so disconnected and it's my own fault. I know what I need to do, but I cower behind a facade of defenses. I can only pray that God gives me the strength to do what must be done. I ask for your prayers, too. Why can't I bring myself to give up this thing that is hurting my relationship with God? And the reason is: I can't. Only the grace of Christ through me can defeat this obstacle. I can do all things through Christ who's strength is within me. I admit the way I'm talking sounds dramatic, but it is all truely written from my very real thoughts in this very real
circumstance. Pray for me.

Salvation for Good People!

I've been thinking a lot this week about the idea of Salvation. Simultaneously, I have been hearing a lot of professing Christians--some that I know, others that I don't that I saw on TV or heard on the radio--not accepting this idea that, according to God's Holy Standards (The Ten Commandments), they are not good people. Now, of course nobody wants to hear that they are a bad person, because most people don't believe they are. And for a lot of people, that's true.... by our standards. But not by God's.

There are surprisingly a lot of professing Christians who believe this way. But the problem is, they are not looking at themselves from God's perspective. God is perfect. And He requires perfection to enter into Heaven. Now, I don't know of anyone on this Earth that would actually claim they were perfect. (If you think you are... call me ;-D). So, already you can see that you won't make it to Heaven because you are not perfect, and that's what God requires.

But further more, if we take a look at His Law, which are His standards of perfection, we have to understand that if we really want to get into Heaven, we have to 100% through our whole life, from beginning to end: Put God before everything else, not put anything in His place, not say "Oh my God" or "Oh God" or "Jesus Christ" in the place of a curse word, we can't lie, steal, get angry at people or call anyone a fool or stupid (which Jesus said is equal to murder), we cannot look at someone with sexual desire (which Jesus said is equal to committing adultery), and so on!! All of us have done at least one of those things in our lives. And furthermore the Book of James tells us:

"For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all." --James 2:10

So if we even only break one, we are automatically guilty of all.

We are not good according to the Law. And that is why we need to be Saved. If we don't believe we are not good, than Christ cannot save us. Because if you think you are good, then there's no reason for Christ to die for you and save you. It is only when we acknowledge the truth that we need to be Saved because we have violated God's Law that Christ will truly redeem us.

Christian, if you can't admit that you've violated the law and deserve separation from God, than Christ cannot save you. Please, I beg you! Think about this. Ask God to help you see and understand the truth of your predicament. And then acknowledge what Jesus Christ did for you by going through the torture of the Cross, understand that he paid the fine of a guilty man/woman; you. And then repent, turn from your sin--this doesn't mean you won't sin anymore, it just means that God will make you a new creation that doesn't want to sin because you want to obey God. And put your faith and trust in Christ Jesus alone to Save you when the Day of Judgment comes.

Are You Man-er (or Woman-er) Than Rick Warren?

In a recent episode of Christianese Radio I talked about being a Man of Christ; standing up for what you believe in, and not cowering away when the persecution comes because persecution is part of the bundle when we repent and recognize Christ Jesus as our only Way, Lord, and Savior and serve Him truly. Paul Washer told a true story in his "True Gospel" sermon about John Wesley. A preacher of the Gospel, who had been persecuted pretty much daily, was walking along one day when he suddenly realized he hadn't been persecuted in quite some time. So he prayed to God

"Have I become a carnal man? Has my message become so worldly that no one any longer persecutes me?"

Just then a man came along down the road with a brick or a stone in his hand and he threw it at Wesley. It grazed Wesley's nose, and at that moment, Wesley looked up and said:

"Thank you, God."

As hard as it may be, we Believers in Christ must find the joy in persecution... because we know we are being persecuted for the Truth. And as terrible as it sounds, when there isn't any persecution in any form shape or size you can pretty much know that something is not right.

In the episode of "Christianese Radio" (Episode #15, aptly titled: "Be a Man"), we looked at America's Pastor, Rick Warren. Just before the election, Warren issued a video in which he proclaimed that we as Christians should support Proposition 8 because the Bible defines marriage as being between a man and woman. Of course, as this video made its way into the public... the persecution came. Gays and Gay supporters worldwide pointed the finger at Warren. He most likely lost a lot of attenders at his ginormous church. And you know what? As time went on... the weight came down upon him. And it was "too much" for him. He couldn't handle mere persecution, forgetting that Christ Himself persevered through persecution and a horrific death. Rick Warren went on Larry King this past April to make it clear that he was "not Anti-Gay Marriage". Um.... In his endorsement video of Prop 8 he explains that marriage should be between a man. How is this not anti-Gay. Warren went on to apologize to the Gay community and even went further on to say that he was oblivious to the new Gay-Marriage rulings in Vermont.

In this episode of "Christianese Radio" I compared Rick Warren to the awesome young lady at Columbine who was shot to death because she was a Christian and openly admitted it. A young lady, staring down the barrel of a gun, looking into the eyes of Death, was more courageous than America's Pastor who was merely accused and called names.

We have seen another example where Rick Warren was put to shame. I know everyone has probably heard about the occurrence at the Miss USA pageant with Miss California. Miss California, when asked by one of the judges, Perez Hilton, who himself is a homosexual, (paraphrased) "[What is your stance on gay marriage?]", answered "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman." Reports say that she probably would have won the crown were it not for her answer. In recent interviews, Miss California stated that as she was answering, she began to direct to a worldly answer, but she came to realize that God was testing her, so she swiveled her answer around and laid down the "hammer of God" :) She has been asked several times that if she could do it all over again with the knowledge that if she answered "politically correctly" she would win, would she give the same answer? Her answer in all those interviews: "Yes". She said that she gave the Biblically Correct answer, not the Politically Correct answer.

Now, while parading around in a bikini on stage in front of millions of people is very questionable for a woman of God, the fact that, unlike Rick Warren, she was able to stand firm--and STILL TO THIS DAY stand firm--in her beliefs just seems to overwhelm that. Now there, of course, is a danger. As a caller on David Wheaton's "The Christian Worldview" radio program rightly stated, the more "power" she gets the more dangerous it is going to become for her and the easier it will be for her to go back on her word. Because all those who gain power fall under more and more pressure. This is what is happening with Rick Warren. So pray that she will continue to stand strong. And I hope the inspiration will continue to be there for her to do so; she stated in an interview that she has received thousands of friend requests and comments from people on Facebook, supporting her. She said that she hasn't really gotten much "hate"-fans... besides Perez Hilton, that is. He really does seem to be the only one in the world who is taking this to a ridiculous level.

Christians, take this as inspiration that you can stand strong. And that while you risk persecution here on Earth, God will reward you for your faith! Do not deny the Word of God! Stand strong! Brave the storm! Because we know what's going to happen at the end of this life, no matter how hard it is. We will rejoice with our Creator and Savior in Heaven and on the New Earth forever!

The Truth is Offensive to the World!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable* and perfect" - Romans 12:2

* "acceptable" - as in: you can accept/receive it.

12-Hour Fasting

Fasting. Right away the word makes me hungry. And it's making me hungry now. I am currently 32 minutes away from finishing my first ever 12-Hour fasting period. My reasons (there were several):

1. To show God that I love Him enough to give up food for (almost) a whole day.

2. To remember to pray, about various things; Myself, friends, family, the lost.

3. To remind me of my battle with sin and temptation. Because my heart was so set on finishing the 12-hours, temptations arose for me to break that covenant. By saying "No, I love God more" to those almost unbearable temptations, it has encouraged me in my battle with sin.

and the most important
3. To remind myself of the suffering that Jesus Christ went through in His last hours. Every time I would feel hungry, I would remember this and remind myself that this painful hunger that I feel... Imagine it magnified by billions of times. But even that would not stand up to the horror of Christs torture and more so God's Wrath poured out on Him.

It's been an interesting experience. Definitely not the funnest day of my life, being limited to simply drinking water. Because of the lack of food I have become the victim of a rather terrible headache, but I'm hoping the cure will lie within the food that I shalt be consuming at 12:00AM EST. There were several times when I almost "failed" and gave in to the temptation of food. But thankfully I remained strong.

It was hard! It was very hard. But I am glad I did it. I do have to admit my wimpy-ness; I was originally going to make this a weekly thing, but after this hard experience I think I may make it monthly instead. Perhaps the last day of every month or something like that.

Now 19 minutes away from 12AM, I am looking hungrily up at the foil-wrapped cheese steak sandwich and curly fries that are waiting for me. It's funny, because even in that I am reminded of Christ. Perhaps during His last hours He felt something similar; Knowing that at the other end of the suffering, His primary mission to save His children (well, those who repent and believe) would be complete. And perhaps there were times when He would think of this thought, and He would smile in excitement.

My True Calling?

I may have found my true calling... But before that, I think I've come to the realization that I've been wasting tons of money for the last couple of years on barbershop-haircuts.

Seriously, though, my hair is like... like Harry Potter's hair (at least as I remember it being "depicted" in the books). I will go to get it cut short and in less than a week and a half to two weeks I will be back to having mop-head. And it's only gotten worse because of how the economy is now, prices are going up. I remember when haircuts used to be $8.00 at the barbershop near me. In less than three years, the price almost doubled at $14.00. Now, of course that's better than what most barbershops charge nowadays, but still, it adds up. You can imagine how much money I lost over my dang hair.

Anyways, so I was just getting tired of both the money AND my hair, so I thought What the heck? I'm gonna cut my own hair. We still had an electric razor from the old days when my mom or oldest sister would cut my hair. So I dug it out--Ooh! But first, rather than walking into it blindly, I actually googled "How to cut your own hair". From there I actually found a couple helpful tips, plus a video of a guy cutting his own hair. So after reading and watching how to cut your own hair, I went into the bathroom, dug out the razor, got out the hair-clippers, and went to work.

30 minutes later... It was done! And I have to say that I am really happy with it. It looks virtually the same as when the barber does it. I ran into a couple of problems that had some small consequences, however. The "biggest" one being that I didn't have a handheld mirror so I had to sort of "go by the touch" with the back of my head. I got a little vigorous... or... rigorous.... whichever word it is--and way overshaved two areas on either side. BUT I was able to sort of mask it by doing some touch-up shaving with my regular, face-shaving razor. The mistake is somewhat noticeable, but it's nowhere near as bad as it could have been for a first time. So... It feels great to have found a money sa--okay that's just nasty... my dog just... let one fly... and it was one of those soft-whispery pooooof ones... those are usually the deadliest---anyhoo! It's nice to have found a money-saving thing to do. This, by the way, is the result (it looks like the bottoms of my eyelids are red and my eyes themselves are pink, but this is not so, it's just weird lighting):


So, not to bad, eh?