Stumbling Period

Argh. Going through a stumbling period in my Faith. I've drifted back into being a lukewarm Christian. And I'm sure a lot of that is because I still haven't brought myself to give up the stumbling block that God has called me to give up. I read God's Word reluctantly. I praise God reluctantly. I pray reluctantly. I feel so disconnected and it's my own fault. I know what I need to do, but I cower behind a facade of defenses. I can only pray that God gives me the strength to do what must be done. I ask for your prayers, too. Why can't I bring myself to give up this thing that is hurting my relationship with God? And the reason is: I can't. Only the grace of Christ through me can defeat this obstacle. I can do all things through Christ who's strength is within me. I admit the way I'm talking sounds dramatic, but it is all truely written from my very real thoughts in this very real
circumstance. Pray for me.

12-Hour Fasting

Fasting. Right away the word makes me hungry. And it's making me hungry now. I am currently 32 minutes away from finishing my first ever 12-Hour fasting period. My reasons (there were several):

1. To show God that I love Him enough to give up food for (almost) a whole day.

2. To remember to pray, about various things; Myself, friends, family, the lost.

3. To remind me of my battle with sin and temptation. Because my heart was so set on finishing the 12-hours, temptations arose for me to break that covenant. By saying "No, I love God more" to those almost unbearable temptations, it has encouraged me in my battle with sin.

and the most important
3. To remind myself of the suffering that Jesus Christ went through in His last hours. Every time I would feel hungry, I would remember this and remind myself that this painful hunger that I feel... Imagine it magnified by billions of times. But even that would not stand up to the horror of Christs torture and more so God's Wrath poured out on Him.

It's been an interesting experience. Definitely not the funnest day of my life, being limited to simply drinking water. Because of the lack of food I have become the victim of a rather terrible headache, but I'm hoping the cure will lie within the food that I shalt be consuming at 12:00AM EST. There were several times when I almost "failed" and gave in to the temptation of food. But thankfully I remained strong.

It was hard! It was very hard. But I am glad I did it. I do have to admit my wimpy-ness; I was originally going to make this a weekly thing, but after this hard experience I think I may make it monthly instead. Perhaps the last day of every month or something like that.

Now 19 minutes away from 12AM, I am looking hungrily up at the foil-wrapped cheese steak sandwich and curly fries that are waiting for me. It's funny, because even in that I am reminded of Christ. Perhaps during His last hours He felt something similar; Knowing that at the other end of the suffering, His primary mission to save His children (well, those who repent and believe) would be complete. And perhaps there were times when He would think of this thought, and He would smile in excitement.